So we drop an old
And grab that fresh ball.
我很少看到這樣的句型, 通常是名詞在前, 省略在後, 省略時通常用the作為article. 這, 純粹是經驗談...畢竟沒好好念過文法...
So we drop an old
ballAnd grab
the fresh.
OR
So we drop
the old
And grab
the fresh ball.
We cut the real and grow the fake.
We scoop up everything shabby
For building a paradise better than the original.
我會用to build. 當然文法上for building也是正確的... 我說不出為什麼. 純粹憑直覺了.
We cut the real and grow the fake.
We scoop up everything shabby
To build a paradise better than the original.
Give the poor a block of desert.
我是覺得怪怪的.但是這部分可以當作是新詩技巧的使用了吧.所以就不多說了.
Let the rich donate a foil of gold.
We bring every book
Reminding us of faults.
Let the rich donate a foil of gold.
We bring every book
toRemind us of
our faults.
Make fear and shadow illegal.
Keep delight forever glow.
Glow是動詞, 該用進行式 glowing.
Make fear and shadow illegal.
Keep delight forever
glowing.
Yes, we are bound for space travel
漏了一個標點符號哦.
This place is blue no more.
So we drop an old
ballAnd grab
the fresh.
We cut the real and grow the fake.
We scoop up everything shabby
To build a paradise better than the original.
Give the poor a block of desert.
Let the rich donate a foil of gold.
We bring every book
toRemind us of
our faults.
Make fear and shadow illegal.
Keep delight forever
glowing.
Yes, we are bound for space travel
.This place is blue no more.
我覺得這是一首很好的作品,是關於社會與生態的詩,開頭與結尾也相當科幻.
我很沒禮貌地改了一下. 我想對新手會太過分,但對資深的行家,應該不為過吧!