[魯竹詩觀]

[魯竹/luzhu]

小說有故事
詩歌有故事
人造故事
牛仔打油井
沙塵暴

時事有故事
打造星戰
上街頭
自殺炸彈
廣塲有故事

沙漠有故事
政客有故事
亂世有故事
家家有故事


2


人造
飲料食物
人造
垃圾
垃圾食品

人造
市埸競爭
人造
媒體廣告

廣告人造食物
市場推銷
垃圾食物

謊言食品
誰能說明白

魯竹/luzhu 120303 柯羅拉多高原初稿

3


預言有故事
錯誤有故事
有心 無心
預算有故事

民主
自由
平等
有故事

意識了不了的故事
文化了不了的故事
市場了旳故事
價值了 時尚了的
預算不了旳故事

魯竹/luzhu 120304 柯羅拉多高原初稿

[魯竹/luzhu]

-

春秋有故事
詩絰
楚辭
人生有故事
詩
詞
歌
賦
曲
謠
在在感語
感有時
連線
思有時

魯竹/luzhu 120306 柯羅拉多高原初稿

[魯竹/luzhu]

-


花旗人愛 '凍蒜'
政客愛口水

口水競爭
了不了的
廣告了不了的
等待不了的
春尖 '凍蒜'

勞民傷財
經年造勢
超級星期五
政客掮客
花旗人愛凍蒜?!

投稿似'凍蒜'
詩者幾多非政客?

魯竹/luzhu 120307 柯羅拉多高原初稿

[魯竹/luzhu]

牛仔有故事
在國會山莊
掮客有故事
在廣塲

政客不會寫詩
上街頭
牛仔有故事
軍火販有故事

人造廢墟
垃圾有故事
意識
了不了的爭議
預算了不了的
氣氛有故事

魯竹/luzhu 120309 柯羅拉多高原初稿

[魯竹/luzhu]

-

預算不了預言
誤失有故事
有心 無心
留言有故事

意識了不了
文化故事
市場了的故事

價值 時尚了
預算不了留言

意識了不了的
留言

人治 無常
了不了的市埸

魯竹/luzhu 120311 柯羅拉多高原初槁

[魯竹/luzhu]

-

谷歌有故事
微軟 雅虎
百度相故事
搜狐 淘寶
人人有故事

市場了的故事
蘋果 黑莓
瞼書了不了
貼上 下載
翻譯變臉

作品了不了的
市場
主觀了的市埸
詮釋作品

魯竹/luzhu 120311 柯羅拉多高原初稿

[魯竹/luzhu]

-

作品有風格
風格語言
節奏行步
影射意思

翻譯不了風格
風情氣氛
語氣腔調
翻譯了的故事

誤導了的作品
迷失了旳意思
直繹 意譯
難得溝通
不如造化再生
創造新作


魯竹/luzhu 120313 柯羅拉多高原初稿

[魯竹/luzhu]

-

翻譯了不了旳
故事
翻不了文化
譯不了語言

學翻譯難
難在才學
在功力
在客觀

翻了故事
譯不了感覺
翻了曲調
譯不了小令

翻不了背景
譯不了風景


魯行/luzhu 110314 柯羅拉多高原初稿

[魯竹/luzhu]

=


詩作不是科學

翻譯語文是藝術

難得譯詩有成就

太多直譯

或是意譯

詩有時

譯有時

時代背景


譯詩取捨

各國版本

比較高低

在語言

在才氣

在歷練



魯竹/luzhu 120316 柯羅垃多高原初稿

[魯竹/luzhu]

-

翻譯是藝術
讀譯作
再讀原作
有不同感應

可讀性
在語言
在選字
在切題
在釋義 ....

引用本網站墨林譯作
介紹 [風箏]
是祭品 ......

....... '走火入魔'
譯者想像 .....



- 附錄:
【墨林译】纸鸢是祭品

你知道 纸鸢是祭品
你爱它 因为它很拽
足以拿捏让你神魂颠倒
足以火辣的让你如痴如醉
因为它活得
如同一只孤注一掷的老鹰
潇洒惬意划过苍穹之巅
你随时拉下矫健的它
驯服的听从你的调遣

纸鸢是鱼 你逮着了
游泳池里 却没有它
所以你如获珍宝爱不释手
希望他不会轻言放弃
除非风儿已缓缓停息

纸鸢是你最后的诗篇
你干脆将它馈赠与风
虽然很纠结彼此难舍难分
一直到有人会发觉你
沉醉于此 走火入魔

纸鸢是一份荣耀契约
那它必须迎合于太阳
所以你广交朋友拓宽视野
与河流 与风
然后祈祷寒冷来袭的前夜
无牵无挂的逍遥月下
纯粹释怀而无愧于己

----伦纳德·科恩


附：伦纳德·科恩原作

A Kite Is a Victim

A kite is a victim you are sure of.
You love it because it pulls
gentle enough to call you master,
strong enough to call you fool;
because it lives
like a desperate trained falcon
in the high sweet air,
and you can always haul it down
to tame it in your drawer.

A kite is a fish you have already caught
in a pool where no fish come,
so you play him carefully and long,
and hope he won't give up,
or the wind die down.

A kite is the last poem you've written,
so you give it to the wind,
but you don't let it go
until someone finds you
something else to do.

A kite is a contract of glory
that must be made with the sun,
so you make friends
with the field the river and the wind,
then you pray the whole cold night before,
under the traveling cordless moon,
So make you worthy and lyric and pure.

Leonard Cohen

_________________
简约诗派－墨林



魯竹/luzhu 120321 柯羅拉多高原初稿

[魯竹/luzhu]

=

附錄二:


【墨林译林】莱昂纳多.科恩《纸鸢是牺牲品》（墨林译）

你确认，纸鸢是牺牲品。
你爱它，因为
它客气称呼你高手，
得意忘形称呼你傻瓜;
因为它的生活
像孤注一掷的隼
于空气之美，
你随时可以降它
并顺从于你的线柄。

纸鸢已经是你捕获的
没有鱼塘的鱼，
所以你爱不释手，
期望自己不会放弃，
除非风儿和缓平息。

纸鸢是你最后的诗，
所以你把它交给风，
却不允许它走远
除非有人认定你
无事可做。

纸鸢是辉煌的契约，
而必须迎合太阳，
所以你以田野、河边、风为友
尔后你祷告寒冷来袭的夜
游走月下的离柄纸鸢
如此纯情无愧于己。

* 莱昂纳多.科恩:诗人、作家、歌手。

（译于2009.2.7，修改于2012.3.15）

原稿：http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4d07a2240100c1s5.html



附：莱昂纳多.科恩原作

A Kite Is a Victim

A kite is a victim you are sure of.
You love it because it pulls
gentle enough to call you master,
strong enough to call you fool;
because it lives
like a desperate trained falcon
in the high sweet air,
and you can always haul it down
to tame it in your drawer.

A kite is a fish you have already caught
in a pool where no fish come,
so you play him carefully and long,
and hope he won't give up,
or the wind die down.

A kite is the last poem you've written,
so you give it to the wind,
but you don't let it go
until someone finds you
something else to do.

A kite is a contract of glory
that must be made with the sun,
so you make friends with the field
the river and the wind,
then you pray the whole cold night before,
under the travelling cordless moon,
So make you worthy and lyric and pure.

Leonard Cohen

_________________
简约诗派－墨林

回頂端

墨林
文章標題 : 【墨林译林】莱昂纳多.科恩《纸鸢是祭品》（墨林译）） 發表於 : 2012-03-15,9:32 pm

尊詩家

註冊時間: 2007-10-14,9:22 pm
文章: 565
來自: 中国
【墨林译林】莱昂纳多.科恩《纸鸢是祭品》（墨林译）

你确认，纸鸢是祭品。
你爱它，因为
它客气称呼你高手，
得意忘形称呼你傻瓜;
因为它活得
像孤注一掷的隼
于空气之美，
它随时听从你的调遣
并依赖于你的线柄。

纸鸢已经是你捕获的
没有鱼塘的鱼，
所以你爱不释手，
期望自己不会放弃，
除非风儿和缓平息。

纸鸢是你最后的诗，
所以你把它交给风，
却不允许它走远
除非有人认定你
无事可做。

纸鸢是辉煌的契约，
而必须迎合太阳，
所以你以田野、河边、风为友
尔后你祷告寒冷来袭的前夜
游走月下无牵无挂
如此纯情无愧于己。


* 莱昂纳多.科恩:诗人、作家、歌手。


（译于2009.2.7，修改于2012.3.15）

原稿：http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4d07a2240100c1s5.html

附：莱昂纳多.科恩原作

A Kite Is a Victim

A kite is a victim you are sure of.
You love it because it pulls
gentle enough to call you master,
strong enough to call you fool;
because it lives
like a desperate trained falcon
in the high sweet air,
and you can always haul it down
to tame it in your drawer.

A kite is a fish you have already caught
in a pool where no fish come,
so you play him carefully and long,
and hope he won't give up,
or the wind die down.

A kite is the last poem you've written,
so you give it to the wind,
but you don't let it go
until someone finds you
something else to do.

A kite is a contract of glory
that must be made with the sun,
so you make friends with the field
the river and the wind,
then you pray the whole cold night before,
under the travelling cordless moon,
So make you worthy and lyric and pure.


Leonard Cohen

_________________
简约诗派－墨林

回頂端

墨林
文章標題 : Re:【墨林译林】莱昂纳多.科恩《纸鸢是祭品》（墨林译） 發表於 : 2012-03-15,10:20 pm

尊詩家

註冊時間: 2007-10-14,9:22 pm
文章: 565
來自: 中国
【墨林译林】莱昂纳多.科恩《纸鸢是祭品》（墨林译）



你确认，纸鸢是祭品。
你爱它，因为
它客气称呼你高手，
得意忘形称呼你傻瓜;
因为它活得
像孤注一掷的隼
于空气之美，
它随时听从你的调遣
并倾心于你的呵护。



纸鸢已经是你捕获的
没有鱼塘的鱼，
所以你爱不释手，
期望自己不会放弃，
除非风儿和缓平息。

纸鸢是你最后的诗，
所以你把它交给风，
却不允许它走远
除非有人认定你
无事可做。



纸鸢是辉煌的契约，
而必须迎合太阳，
所以你以田野、河边、风为友
尔后你祷告寒冷来袭的前夜
游走月下无牵无挂
如此纯情无愧于己。


* 莱昂纳多.科恩:诗人、作家、歌手。


（译于2009.2.7，修改于2012.3.15）



原稿：http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4d07a2240100c1s5.html



附：莱昂纳多.科恩原作



A Kite Is a Victim



A kite is a victim you are sure of.
You love it because it pulls
gentle enough to call you master,
strong enough to call you fool;
because it lives
like a desperate trained falcon
in the high sweet air,
and you can always haul it down
to tame it in your drawer.



A kite is a fish you have already caught
in a pool where no fish come,
so you play him carefully and long,
and hope he won't give up,
or the wind die down.



A kite is the last poem you've written,
so you give it to the wind,
but you don't let it go
until someone finds you
something else to do.



A kite is a contract of glory
that must be made with the sun,
so you make friends with the field
the river and the wind,
then you pray the whole cold night before,
under the travelling cordless moon,
So make you worthy and lyric and pure.


Leonard Cohen

_________________
简约诗派－墨林

回頂端

葉子鳥
文章標題 : Re: 【墨林译林】莱昂纳多.科恩《纸鸢是牺牲品》（墨林译） 發表於 : 2012-03-15,10:54 pm

創作區總版主‧兼分行詩版主

註冊時間: 2004-04-09,7:16 pm
文章: 3350
墨林好

譯詩似乎不適合貼於此
因此區為創作區的分行詩

先移至訪客自由寫
我再請專人看看

葉子鳥

_________________
http://www.wretch.cc/blog/pan610211

回頂端

墨林
文章標題 : 【修改稿】莱昂纳多.科恩《纸鸢是祭品》（墨林译） 發表於 : 2012-03-15,11:22 pm

尊詩家

註冊時間: 2007-10-14,9:22 pm
文章: 565
來自: 中国
【修改稿】莱昂纳多.科恩《纸鸢是祭品》（墨林译）



你确认，纸鸢是祭品。
你爱它，因为
它客气称呼你高手，
得意忘形称呼你傻瓜;
因为它活得
像孤注一掷的隼
于空气之美，
它随时听从你的调遣
并倾心于你的呵护。



纸鸢已经是你捕获的
没有鱼塘的鱼，
所以你爱不释手，
期望自己不会放弃，
除非风儿和缓平息。



纸鸢是你临终的遗书，
所以你把它交给风，
却不允许它走远
除非有人认定你
无事可做。



纸鸢是辉煌的契约，
而必须迎合太阳，
所以你以田野、河边、风为友
尔后你祷告寒冷来袭的前夜
无牵无挂 游走月下
纯情无比 无愧于己。


* 莱昂纳多.科恩:诗人、作家、歌手。


（译于2009.2.7，修改于2012.3.15）





原稿：http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4d07a2240100c1s5.html



附：莱昂纳多.科恩原作



A Kite Is a Victim



A kite is a victim you are sure of.
You love it because it pulls
gentle enough to call you master,
strong enough to call you fool;
because it lives
like a desperate trained falcon
in the high sweet air,
and you can always haul it down
to tame it in your drawer.



A kite is a fish you have already caught
in a pool where no fish come,
so you play him carefully and long,
and hope he won't give up,
or the wind die down.



A kite is the last poem you've written,
so you give it to the wind,
but you don't let it go
until someone finds you
something else to do.



A kite is a contract of glory
that must be made with the sun,
so you make friends with the field
the river and the wind,
then you pray the whole cold night before,
under the travelling cordless moon,
So make you worthy and lyric and pure.


Leonard Cohen

_________________
简约诗派－墨林

回頂端

博弈
文章標題 : Re: 【墨林译林】莱昂纳多.科恩《纸鸢是牺牲品》（墨林译） 發表於 : 2012-03-16,5:14 am

卸任版主


註冊時間: 2007-05-04,9:59 am
文章: 3606
挺好的選擇.

之前我也貼了他的'詩表演"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91OQaPQILZk

近期內我會寫個詩翻譯的原則與翻譯評論文章.

_________________
（在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

回頂端

博弈
文章標題 : Re: 【墨林译林】莱昂纳多.科恩《纸鸢是牺牲品》（墨林译） 發表於 : 2012-03-16,5:21 am

卸任版主


註冊時間: 2007-05-04,9:59 am
文章: 3606
初讀一遍, 對於音韻(近音迴環)的翻譯, 可以試著再下功夫.

_________________
（在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

回頂端

墨林
文章標題 : Re: 【墨林译林】莱昂纳多.科恩《纸鸢是牺牲品》（墨林译） 發表於 : 2012-03-16,8:09 am

尊詩家

註冊時間: 2007-10-14,9:22 pm
文章: 565
來自: 中国
博弈 寫:
初讀一遍, 對於音韻(近音迴環)的翻譯, 可以試著再下功夫.

致谢，你的提醒十分重要。

_________________
简约诗派－墨林

回頂端

墨林
文章標題 : Re: 【墨林译林】莱昂纳多.科恩《纸鸢是牺牲品》（墨林译） 發表於 : 2012-03-16,1:41 pm

尊詩家

註冊時間: 2007-10-14,9:22 pm
文章: 565
來自: 中国
葉子鳥 寫:
墨林好

譯詩似乎不適合貼於此
因此區為創作區的分行詩

先移至訪客自由寫
我再請專人看看

葉子鳥


致谢并问好

_________________
简约诗派－墨林

回頂端

墨林
文章標題 : Re: 【墨林译林】莱昂纳多.科恩《纸鸢是牺牲品》（墨林译） 發表於 : 2012-03-16,1:48 pm

尊詩家

註冊時間: 2007-10-14,9:22 pm
文章: 565
來自: 中国
萊昂納多.科恩《紙鳶是祭品》（墨林譯）

你確認，紙鳶是祭品。
你愛它，因為
它客氣稱呼你高手，
得意忘形稱呼你傻瓜;
因為它活得
像孤注一擲的隼
於空氣之美，
它隨時聽從你的調遣
並傾心於你的呵護。

紙鳶已經是你捕獲的
沒有魚塘的魚，
所以你愛不釋手，
期望自己不會放棄，
除非風兒和緩平息。

紙鳶是你臨終的遺書，
所以你把它交給風，
卻不允許它走遠
除非有人認定你
游手好閑。

紙鳶是輝煌的契約，
而必須迎合太陽，
所以你與田野、河邊、風為伍
爾後你禱告寒冷來襲的前夜
逍遙月下而無牽無掛
如此純粹釋懷令你無愧於己。


* 萊昂納多.科恩:詩人、作家、歌手。

_________________
简约诗派－墨林


- 轉載自 [訪客自由寫]

[魯竹/luzhu]

-

翻譯似搭橋樑
如何造
為誰
為何
用何種材料

獨木橋
吊橋
石橋
鋼筋
高架橋

長江大橋
金門大橋
江海寬深
在設計 在功力


魯竹/luzhu 120327 柯羅拉多高原勱槁

[魯竹/luzhu]

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翻譯不了詩稿
修正了不了的題材
詮釋不了直覺
文化背景
原作意象
譯稿意境

'犧牲品'
'祭品'
還是
<受害者>

無被岐視的經驗
翻不出感覺
直譯 意譯
在語意 在境界


魯竹/luzhu 120329 柯羅拉多高原初稿

[魯竹/luzhu]

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L. 柯恩介紹:

About the Author
Leonard Cohen was born in 1934 in Montreal. He began his career publishing poetry and prose before recording his first album in 1967. He has published two novels, The Favourite Game and Beautiful Losers, and eleven books of poetry, most recently Stranger Music: Selected Poems and Songs, Book of Longing, and Leonard Cohen: Poems and Songs. He has to date made eighteen albums, the most recent of which, Old Ideas, was released in 2012. Cohen was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2008, received a Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award in 2010, and was awarded the Glenn Gould Prize in 2011.


Leonard Cohen has for more than five decades never ceased to surprise us. Ever new, he has eroded an artificial boundary between poetry and song.
...... whose ballads of courtly love and songs on metaphysical as well as vulgar and humorous themes proved an important foundation of modern poetry.
....... whose mystical transformations of love poetry are beacons of religious verse.

Cohen is the poet who wrote, in "The News You Really Hate," "You fucking whore, I thought you were really interested in music.

A native of Montreal, Cohen was born into a Jewish family rich in its tradition. But the French Catholic world of Montreal also became part of his life:


A rebel student at McGill University of modernist poets R. F. Scott, A. M. Klein, and, most particularly, Irving Layton, Cohen went on to live in Hydra, New York, Tennessee, Mumbai, and, of course, Los Angeles, among the monks of Mt Baldy's Zen Center, and in the freakish world of Singapore's Bugis Sreet. .... If his first book, Let Us Compare Mythologies, reveals the juxtaposition of Judeo-Christian and Eastern thought in his world, he continues to play with them twelve books later in The Book of Longing.

His poetry beguiles us; its elegance and energy encompass so much well-wrought complexity. In the prayer "If It Be Your Will," it is hard not to be stunned by a stanza that builds from a parallel but disturbing conditional line to three joyous exhortations and then falls to an enjambed line with a terrifying vision of suffering.


魯竹/luzhu 120331 柯羅拉多高原初稿

[魯竹/luzhu]

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About the Author (續前頁)


Leonard Cohen was born in 1934 in Montreal. He began his career publishing poetry and prose before recording his first album in 1967. He has published two novels, The Favourite Game and Beautiful Losers, and eleven books of poetry, most recently Stranger Music: Selected Poems and Songs, Book of Longing, and Leonard Cohen: Poems and Songs. He has to date made eighteen albums, the most recent of which, Old Ideas, was released in 2012. Cohen was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2008, received a Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award in 2010, and was awarded the Glenn Gould Prize in 2011.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
From the Foreword by Robert Faggen


......

Cohen is the poet who wrote, in "The News You Really Hate," "You fucking whore, I thought you were really interested in music. I thought your heart was somewhat sorrowful" and later transformed and compressed the sentiment into the line "But you don't really care for music, do you?" — a great dramatic gesture and a stunning hilarious rhyme (one of hundreds in Cohen's work) to "Hallelujah," his remarkable mid-rash on epic agonies of Samson and David. The sacred and the profane, the holy and the broken, the personal and the universal comingle in Cohen's poetry as he struggles, baffled, toward the light. Between the "Nameless and the Name" ("Love Itself") nothing can be unified before it is broken, nothing created or granted "where death is forgotten, and the new thing grin" ("All My Life").


* *

The Lord is such a monkey
He's such a woman too
Such a place of nothing
Such a face of you

May E crash into your temple
And look out thru' your eyes
And make you fall in love
With everybody you despise
("The Drunk is Gender-Free")


* * *


In the prayer "If It Be Your Will,"


If it be your will,
if there is a choice,
let the rivers fill,
let the hills rejoice.

Let your mercy spill
on all these burning hearts in hell
if it be your will
to make us well.