台灣詩學‧吹鼓吹詩論壇

〈美〉顧城／沈雨懸翻譯
“The beauty” written by Gu Cheng, translated by Rain Deserts

美

我所渴望的美，
是永恆與生命；
誰知它們竟水火不容。
永恆的美，奇光異彩，
卻無感無情；
生命的美，千變萬化，
卻終為灰燼。

The beauty

The beauty I eager for,
Is eternity and life
But they can’t exist at the same time 。
Beautify of eternity is shining and sparkling，
But without emotions；
Life of beauty is changing and unpredictable，
But ends into ashes.


◎ 本詩為已故詩人顧城的作品

水火不容......高手指教一下怎麼翻好了@_@

「水火不容」以上意譯是可以的。唯最後一句“ends into ashes” , into as a conjunction 在這裡
可考慮以其他連接詞代替，一般是 "ends with"。

末句個人會翻為 “In the end, it becomes ashes” but it really depends on author's preference.

很高興見到雨懸的名家英譯作品 加油喔！

Not sure if "I eager for" is standard English.

同意諾爾 "end with", or "end in"?

我傾向於直譯如果可以的話。

永恆的美，
生命的美，
Beautify of eternity
Life of beauty

為什麽這兩組表達詞序不一樣呢？是為了尋求表達的多樣化？

Thanks for sharing.

Lake

沈雨懸 寫:〈美〉顧城／沈雨懸翻譯
“The beauty” written by Gu Cheng, translated by Rain Deserts

美

我所渴望的美，
是永恆與生命；
誰知它們竟水火不容。
永恆的美，奇光異彩，
卻無感無情；
生命的美，千變萬化，
卻終為灰燼。

The beauty

The beauty I eager for,
Is eternity and life
But they can’t exist at the same time 。
Beautify of eternity is shining and sparkling，
But without emotions；
Life of beauty is changing and unpredictable，
But ends into ashes.


◎ 本詩為已故詩人顧城的作品

我的建議是：

The beauty I desire for,
Is eternity and life
But they can’t exist at the same time
=> But they do not co-exist,
=> But they are like water and fire

Beauty of eternity is shining and sparkling,
But without emotions;
Life of beauty is changing and unpredictable,
But ends in/with ashes.


學林謹上

dear NN: 哈，我太急著趕快放一首上來，結果好多東西沒處理好，真是不好意思阿.....

dear Lake:

為什麽這兩組表達詞序不一樣呢？是為了尋求表達的多樣化？

真抱歉，這是個大筆誤，已經修正了， 謝謝Lake的指正

dear 學林:謝謝你的修改阿~~~(含淚灑花感謝)


修正版如下:

“〈美〉顧城／沈雨懸翻譯
“The beauty” written by Gu Cheng, translated by Rain Deserts

美

我所渴望的美，
是永恆與生命；
誰知它們竟水火不容。
永恆的美，奇光異彩，
卻無感無情；
生命的美，千變萬化，
卻終為灰燼。

The beauty

The beauty I desire for,
Is eternity and life
But they are like fire and water 。
Eternity of beauty is shining and sparkling，
But without emotions；
Life of beauty is changing and unpredictable，
But ends with ashes.


◎ 本詩為已故詩人顧城的作品

奇怪當年編《顧城詩集》，居然沒讀到這首詩。
忍不住手癢，也來翻它一翻:

Beauty

The beauty I long for,
Is eternity and life
Yet they are like water and fire.
The beauty of Eternity is brilliant and colorful，
But with no feeling；
The beauty of Life is ever changing，
But ends up in ashes.

修正版:


Beauty

The beauty I long for,
Is eternity and life;
Who'd have known they are like water and fire.
The beauty of eternity is brilliant and colorful，
Yet with no feeling;
The beauty of life is ever changing,
Yet ends up in ashes.