台灣詩學‧吹鼓吹詩論壇

〈一號夢境〉羅拔/羅拔翻譯
"Dream #1" by Rob Chen, translated by Rob Chen

There you laid quietly
Face with dirt, eyes closed
I dared not to touch you
But watched you sleeping
At the final moment I owned you
You might never know
I turned all memories on, lights off
In darkness I stood, with you

你靜靜躺在那裡
一臉塵埃，閉著雙眼
我不敢碰觸你
僅是看著你睡
在擁有你的最後時刻
或許你無從知曉
我打開所有記憶，關上燈
站在黑暗裡，陪你

嘿，這篇我還沒看到什麼需要改進的地方。Maybe...

But watched you sleeping
僅是看著你睡
Maybe...
But watching you asleep.


You might never know
或許你無從知曉
Perhaps you could never know

But...不是必要。羅拔看看怎樣比較順，就怎麼樣吧。

感謝您的建議！總算有一首詩僥倖一次及格（汗）！

羅拔敬上

羅拔 寫:I dared not to touch you

“to” 會不會多餘啊？

羅拔 寫:At the final moment I owned you

雖無錯，但我比較喜歡 have instead of own.

余學林 寫: But watching you asleep.

我喜歡這建議哦~

諾爾問好羅拔詩友，順祝詩安！

感謝您們的建議，修改後重貼如下：

〈一號夢境〉羅拔/羅拔翻譯
"Dream #1" by Rob Chen, translated by Rob Chen

There you laid quietly
Face with dirt, eyes closed
I dared not touch you
But watching you asleep
At the final moment I had you
You might never know
I turned all memories on, lights off
In darkness I stood, with you

你靜靜躺在那裡
一臉塵埃，閉著雙眼
我不敢碰觸你
僅是看著你睡
在擁有你的最後時刻
或許你無從知曉
我打開所有記憶，關上燈
站在黑暗裡，陪你

羅拔 寫:At the final moment I had you

我原本以為羅拔從「溫文儒雅派」變成「狂野ROCK派」的說。

原來是我誤會了。

由此可見我這個人也滿...情緒化的, 哈!

問好學林兄