Dream #1(一號夢境)

[羅拔]

〈一號夢境〉羅拔/羅拔翻譯
"Dream #1" by Rob Chen, translated by Rob Chen

There you laid quietly
Face with dirt, eyes closed
I dared not to touch you
But watched you sleeping
At the final moment I owned you
You might never know
I turned all memories on, lights off
In darkness I stood, with you

你靜靜躺在那裡
一臉塵埃，閉著雙眼
我不敢碰觸你
僅是看著你睡
在擁有你的最後時刻
或許你無從知曉
我打開所有記憶，關上燈
站在黑暗裡，陪你

[余學林]

嘿，這篇我還沒看到什麼需要改進的地方。Maybe...

But watched you sleeping
僅是看著你睡
Maybe...
But watching you asleep.


You might never know
或許你無從知曉
Perhaps you could never know

But...不是必要。羅拔看看怎樣比較順，就怎麼樣吧。

[羅拔]

感謝您的建議！總算有一首詩僥倖一次及格（汗）！

羅拔敬上

[若爾。諾爾]

I dared not to touch you

“to” 會不會多餘啊？

At the final moment I owned you

雖無錯，但我比較喜歡 have instead of own.

But watching you asleep.

我喜歡這建議哦~

諾爾問好羅拔詩友，順祝詩安！

[羅拔]

感謝您們的建議，修改後重貼如下：

〈一號夢境〉羅拔/羅拔翻譯
"Dream #1" by Rob Chen, translated by Rob Chen

There you laid quietly
Face with dirt, eyes closed
I dared not touch you
But watching you asleep
At the final moment I had you
You might never know
I turned all memories on, lights off
In darkness I stood, with you

你靜靜躺在那裡
一臉塵埃，閉著雙眼
我不敢碰觸你
僅是看著你睡
在擁有你的最後時刻
或許你無從知曉
我打開所有記憶，關上燈
站在黑暗裡，陪你

[余學林]

At the final moment I had you

我原本以為羅拔從「溫文儒雅派」變成「狂野ROCK派」的說。

原來是我誤會了。

[羅拔]

由此可見我這個人也滿...情緒化的, 哈!

問好學林兄