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讀純的(Pure Reading)

文章發表於 : 2013-04-24,9:01 pm
蘇善
〈讀純的〉蘇善作/蘇善翻譯
“Pure Reading” (Written/Translated by Suzanne Tsai)

動靜之間
是海
吞吞吐吐愛昧
她無意告白
激情只讓
給了瘋旋
Between stir and still
There lies an ocean
Halting the love of ambiguity.
She has no intention to open
But yields passion
To the wild whirl.

Re: 讀純的(Pure Reading)

文章發表於 : 2013-04-25,12:52 pm
若爾。諾爾
“Between stir and still” ...... 請問: stir 是一種動作,在原文哪裏呢?

「吞吞吐吐愛昧」譯為“Halting the love of ambiguity” ...... 請問藍色字體怎麽來?

其餘三句英譯文法都不大通順哦,作者可多斟酌。

純屬個人淺見,直言盼諒。
問好蘇善詩友,順祝文安!

Re: 讀純的(Pure Reading)

文章發表於 : 2013-04-27,1:14 pm
蘇善
感謝讀詩。

Re: 讀純的(Pure Reading)

文章發表於 : 2013-04-27,11:13 pm
Lake
Maybe to add an article "the" before "stir" to avoid the ambiguity of part of speech? Like:

"Between the stir and still"

Still sounds a bit awkward. How about "between the stirring and stillness"?

Just a thought. Take or toss.

Cheers,
Lake

Re: 讀純的(Pure Reading)

文章發表於 : 2013-04-28,10:32 pm
沈雨懸
感謝Lake詩友無私分享呦